Dull Roar

I'm studying, Josh just got home and we're going out later so he's decided to take a nap.
J: Well, I'm gonna take a nap for a little bit hon, try to keep the party to a dull roar.
E: Yeah, I'll try, but you know me.
J: Try to keep the freestyle rapping to a minimum.
E: The day I freestyle rap while you're napping...
J: Freestyle napping!?
E: That'd be like a competition where you see if you can fall asleep in random places.
J: They call that narcolepsy.
E: Yeah, well narcolepts have an unfair advantage.

Barking Frog

7:20 am, Union study area, 3 of my classmates and I are tossing ideas around before class.
It's early, I haven't quite got myself together yet, and I shift slightly and a sound comes out of my butt. Way too loud to just pretend it didn't happen. I sit in half-shock, a half-grimace half- smile on my face. I'm just not used to being quite this mortified. The two young lds girls sort of look at each other, as if to be chatting amongst themselves and save me some embarrassment. The 40-something military father of three, however, smirks.
"Well. Excuse you!"
"Yeah, excuse me, yeesh!"
"You got a frog in your coat there?"
"I sure do!"

... end scene.
Oy.

Call from Josh

J: Hey, I just wanted to call you, because I had this idea and I didn't want to forget it.
E: Okay?
J: So, I was just thinking this would be a cool name for like, a band, or maybe on a t-shirt. The first word is Chris, you know like the name?
E: Yeah?
J: And the second word, like the last name, is Traper. You get it? Christ raper?
E: Wow, yeah. I get it. So you just called to tell me that?
J: Yeah, that's all. I just thought it was funny.

Call from Dad

Dad: Hey. Sup. (He's been saying sup for several years now, along with "Ya just chillin' with yer homie?")
Me: Not... a lot... supwitchoo?
Dad: Oh. Nothin'. I was just at the Thrift Town...
Me: Oh? What did you see at the Thrift Town?
Dad: Well... I found this uniform... kind of like, some kind of military uniform?
Me: Oh... kay...?
Dad: It's like, kinda long, dark, with gold buttons, not sure what kind of military.
Me: Hm, sounds like Navy.
Dad: Navy? Why would it be Navy? Well, I guess it could, maybe you're right.
Me: So anyway...?
Dad: Welp. Anyway, it looked really cool, you know, the jacket with the pants. I was just thinking it might be a good thing for Josh.
Me: How do you figure?
Dad: Oh, I dunno, just like, a cool thing maybe I could get him for Christmas, nothing special.
Me: Aha. Well. What size is it?
Dad: Oh, I dunno, like 40 or something. What size is he?
Me: About a 38.
Dad: Naaaah, no way. He's not a 38- pssh, maybe when he was 16!
Me: Just bought him a coat, Dad. 38 is perfect.
Dad: Well, just thought you might wanna check it out.
Me: Me? I see. Well then. Thanks... for that. Sounds good. Good idea. Good night.

Miscommunication

So Josh got his car broken into the other night. A bunch of his cds and a bag containing his gym clothes was stolen (who steals cds, let alone gym clothes!?). We discussed the fact that he parks in a very dark spot on the landlord's property, and that I wish he could park where I do in the light. We didn't discuss it much further except for my briefly mentioning that he should try just parking smushed directly behind me. We watched some tv, and as he was falling asleep, I mentioned it again.
Me: I wish you would park behind me.
Josh: *snuh* What?
Me: You should park behind me.
Josh: Oh, honey... I would... but I'm tired. Wait. What did you say?
Me: What did you hear me say? I said, you should park behind me.
Josh: Oh... I heard "I wish you would pork pie me."

Girl who sits next to me at work

On the topic of bad dating choices, she says "My uncle asked me if I was still dating the guy missing an ear." "You dated a guy with one ear?" I confirm. "Yeah!"
"Did he still have the lobe?" I probed.
"YES! It was weird, there was an accident." I quickly respond: "I know him, I sold him clothes once. I called him the one-eared man."

Nick P

"chaney, chaney, chaney, chaney... Someday... I'll be a C.O.D.!"

Tommy

two minutes ago:
"You might say I'm a timeshare man. If I own a timeshare, and you own a timeshare, and I call, at 7am, on the Thursday of Thanksgiving, I snake your timeshare."
:D

Again, on the trax

Squirrelly looking guy with flesh-colored beard and glasses. Looks a little shifty, I immediately suspect meth or something. He unrolls a mess of clear plastic baggies and pulls a homemade looking white capsule out and pops it in his mouth. Some rude little tween asks what he took. "Caffeine." he says, "If I don't take it I get sick and have headaches." the little boy says "oh, that's cool." Squirrelly twitches. "Well, not really, not if you think about what's going to happen to my heart, I mean I'll probably be dead by the time I'm like 50 or something..."

Public transportation

I'm sure there are plenty of blogs all about the crazy things seen or heard on public transportation. Actually, Overheard in NY is just about the best thing ever for someone like me and most of those encounters are recorded on the subway. Anyway, it's easy pickins, but today there was a guy on the trax. Sort of a skinny, younger guy wearing a Harley Davidson vest (am I the only one who thinks it's funny that someone's repping motorcycles and taking public transportation?) and other assorted faded black denim and leather, with a confederate flag hat and scraggly dishwater blond hair. He seemed like he was trying to be real cool and nonchalant, until I looked over and there he was, white ipod earbuds hanging down, wailin' on the air drums. He DID NOT STOP. Would not- and when you thought he had, he'd start right back up again. 10 minutes, this went on.

My professor

He keeps saying inappropriate things in class. First it was "you don't sweat much for a fat girl". He tried to make it fit with the curriculum... This morning it was "Why did god create gentiles? Someone has to pay retail." Now, I'm no prude, and I appreciate a non- PC Jewish joke once in a while I guess, but a university classroom is probably a hotbed for all sorts of trouble saying these things. He's got quite the juevos. I guess I'm enjoying the extra jolt of possible drama it gives me at 8 am. Oh, old people.

First Post

So, every day I have one encounter or another that I try to remember. Whether it's a situation I derive joy from, or I just happen to think someone is particularly hilarious... I keep these situations cataloged in my head. Of course, given their transitive nature, they eventually dissolve or disappear, like a joke or a song. I'd rather keep them, but I need to write them down to do that. Maybe later on I won't even be amused by them, but I'll try to give them enough context that it will at least still be interesting. I figure, what better depository than the internets for such a dumping ground? That way anyone else who might be amused by them can join me in my daily swim through the random and mediocre. I'm not promising poignant, I never promised you poignant.
"Conversation of the day", or C.O.D. copyright Nick Pappas. You snost and lost, Pappalope!