"Erin. I got you a present."

"Where did you get a speculum!?"

"I stole it."

The human body is a vile awful thing that you should only share with someone you love. - Matt Holtzclaw

Stop looking at me with that tone of voice! - Jeffrey

Tommy

guess what i had for the first time last week on my honeymoon

(dont say anal)

 me:  what

lol

 Tommy:  a mojito

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. This little kid punched me in the vagina yesterday!
- Anna Cain, the crankiest of gingers.

Wait, she was in the Israeli army for two years!? That's a lot... I can't even keep a phone for two months.
- incredibly loud group of gay brunchers