"I wanna hire him for parties." Adam on Jed

Kira: "I know someone who will marry people in nontraditional ways, if you know anyone in need of that..." Alan: "Like, bungee jumping?"

ssa guards to each other: man, that's a lotta money. - why don't you resign, go hunt him down?

weird woman with floppy wig at SSA building to sec guards: ya know, bin laden's the most wanted, they made the reward 59 million. isn't that cool?

drunk asian man at Gracie's: "You look familiar. Where from? Korea... Indiana."
me: "Never been to Korea, or Indi...ana."
him: "Oh! Nice lady."

(I'm almost positive he was trying to ask if I was Asian, as in Korean or Indian.)

tune of Two of Hearts: "Two old farts... i peed blue, i peed blue..." -Josh

Chuck: "Ope! The antelope's back!"

Ryan: "so, if you're from Crete and you left, are you an excretion?"

me: "is she still a negative Nancy?" Josh: "is she still a one- up Wanda?"

well, you know what you do with a floater, right? flush twice. -Nick Nielsen

"you just confused me out of my panties!" - Josh

"this chair is givin' me a gangsta lean.-Kira

"Eric Fisher, professional good-looker." -Eric Fisher

Smart toddler!

kid walking past Dani being filmed dressed as hobo on Main St: "why does she need money if they have all those cameras and stuff?"

"whoa! it's like a to-go cup, but to stay!" -Dani

Jesse: "a little louder next time..."

On set, between crew

Pamela (in earshot of the director): "Jesse, be careful of the light in the shot." J: "copy, light's in shot. thanks for throwing us under the bus, Pamela. Little louder next time." P: "copy that."

"It was so cold I had to treat my wife for hypothermia." "I can imagine what you mean..." "A little skin to skin action!" - Two men on the set of Mask of Redemption

Facebook woes

Josh: Did you see my status update today?
me: NO! God dammit, they never show me yours, for some stupid reason. Who do I have to blow around here to see my own husband's status updates!?

Josh, muttering with no prompting: "Eric Blowfins... Charlie Skagnipple..."

Josh trolls a guy on NBA2k

Some dude sends Josh a text- type message on his basketball video game that says something to the effect of "hey, your game is lacking. get some skills and you can play with the big dawgs." something like that.
Josh's response: "Pubes?"
guy: "I don't speak Spanish."
Josh: "Esta bien."
guy: "Speak English or not at all, I don't understand you."
Josh: "I said pubes. That's real talk."
guy: "Oh why you talkin bout nut hair, you like balls in your mouth or somethin'?"
Josh: "You ever watch MC Hammer's Pumps and a Bump video?"
guy: "Nah."
Josh: "Really weird. YouTube that."
guy: "Aight."

I'm standing right here...

Asian guy at Indian party: "I've never dated a white girl. EVER! Hell no." *friend gives him high five* "well maybe one. I don't know, she was Portuguese."