Sean, at Sephora: I was thinking 'i'm the only guy in here! well... Erin's kind of a dude."

dad: try raising a fuckin' family drumming full time... mom: yeah, who'd be dumb enough to do a thing like that?

guy at Halloween party: "hey, could I have a hug? i'm having a constest with myself to see how many tits I can get pressed against me. yours are real nice." :(

Sylvester Stallone looks terrible! He looks like Prince. -Josh

Russian dudes on CR

in: what you name?
out: your music is too loud
in: look
in: it s russian rap)))
out: ahah
in: what you name???
out: what's your name?
in: Vovik
out: ok
in: vlfd
in:
in:
out: dark hair, vovik
out: and blond?
in: Vladik
(Vladik flashes the Vulcan hand, I return it)
out: greetings, fellow dorks
out: live long and prosper

"if you're going to a party and wanna impress everyone, so you bring your tall good looking friend... that's your brophy wife." -Josh

"oh, you don't know Rick? he's really cute... well he's not really cute but he's really nice..." -Teri, on some guy

Josh: Erin's world! Erin's world! Farty time! Excellent!

Josh: "when's the last time god made himself a sandwich?"

dad, looking at an old picture of himself: "man, I look good. I'd fuck me."

Aimee/ Omegle

Couldn't sleep, so I tried a video chat service called Omegle that hooks you up with random people. Tonight it was a young girl in a pink wig. My audio wasn't working, so it was just text. I know this is huge compared to my normal posts, but it's important to keep this one in the archives.

You: i have a pink wig too

Stranger: well do u have cancer??

You: no, do you?

Stranger: yeah

You: ah

Stranger: might as well have fun with it

You: i absolutely agree

Stranger: just started losing my hair so..

You: i also believe everyone should have a hearty hat collection

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 17

You: what kind of cancer?

Stranger: tumer in my stomach

Stranger: and spreading

You: i'm sorry.

You: that's very painful

Stranger: its okay

Stranger: sometimes

You: aw, honey! (*she's trying to casually wipe away tears)

You: you're going to be fine.

Stranger: its okay

You: :)

Stranger: sure

Stranger: lets just tlk about something else

You: absolutely!

Stranger: whats life like

You: haha, broad question!

Stranger: like kissing a boy

You: oh my!

Stranger: sex

Stranger: stuff like that

You: some boys have absolutely no clue what they're doing

You: that's for sure

Stranger: haha

You: the first boy i french kissed

You: it was like having a slug in my mouth

Stranger: haha

You: but i don't think he was trying very hard.

Stranger: lol

You: when they have their mind on other things they rarely are

You: they want to skip straight to third base

You: and you're like WHOA, not EVEN on the field

Stranger: haha

Stranger: ur very pretty

You: aw thanks!

Stranger: ur welcome

You: i love your nose. i'd steal it if i could

You: haha

Stranger: hah

You: i'm Erin.

Stranger: i hate my face

You: shut UP

Stranger: i am Aimee

Stranger: i have such a man face

You: what EVER.

You: well.

You: did you have any specific questions about... boys?

Stranger: no

You: seemed like maybe you did!

Stranger: i do but they will be for another lifetime

You: ??

Stranger: the doctor told me i have about a year or so left

Stranger: so i stopped treatment and am just having fun

You: so you don't have any living left to do!? any one of us could have a year left

You: you just have the benefit of being reminded to appreciate it.

Stranger: exactly

Stranger: so i am traveling to Auchwitz

Stranger: i wanna see it

You: wow!

Stranger: Well they had it worse

Stranger: i have been there once. it was so amazing

You: where do you live?

Stranger: Canada

Stranger: in Saskatchewan

You: so what do you do in your free time, when you're not wading through penises on video chat?

Stranger: go to a mall and people watch. I just make up stories of their lives!!!

Stranger: its fun for me

You: i LOVE doing that!

You: that's my favorite.

You: i dated a boy where that's all we did

Stranger: or i pretend to pass out in a store

You: OMG that's hilarious

Stranger: i love scaring people

Stranger: or i go trick or treating!!!

You: have you ever staged a flash mob?

Stranger: whats that??

You: that's where you have everyone agree to show up on, say, a street corner

You: and they all show up ON THE DOT

You: and like, bring a boom box

You: party it up for like 5 minutes

You: and then disappear

Stranger: haha

Stranger: i should do that

You: or we have zombie walks all the time here

Stranger: i will have to do that at a mall

You: people just get gored up and go a wandering

Stranger: so whats ur fav band??

You: hmmm.

You: i love Little Dragon right now, and Flaming Lips. You?

Stranger: Down With Webster

Stranger: cause i know them all!!

Stranger: well this guy i like told me to meet him at the park

Stranger: i am going to sneek out!!!

You: DO IT

You: are you on facebook?

Stranger: no

You: well, my email is chaney.erin@gmail.com if you ever want to chat again

Stranger: i deleted that once the cool girls spread roomers that i shaved my head and became a whore

You: oh, boo

You: they're the whores

Stranger: i know

You: besides

You: you've gotta pack a lot in

Stranger: a week ago one got pregnant!!

You: whore it up, i say

Stranger: thats my motto!!!

You: as long as the boy is cute, respectful, and makes you feel like a goddess

Stranger: but this guy is taking me to a party!!!

You: woot!

Stranger: so i have to go

You: ok

Stranger: byee Erin

You: party it up. you have my blessing

You: nice to meet you, Aimee

Stranger: you just changed my life!!!

You: whut whut! mine too!

Stranger: byee!!!!!!

*Kira's phone starts playing the intro to Prince's Pussy Control* me: that's awesome! Kira: it's my birth control alarm.

"i never wanted to suck that guy's dick but i love the New York Jets too much not to." -Ryan

i had shorts with paint stains on them and jackie hated them but i was like they're ironic because i'm not a working man- i'm rich! Tima on fashion

"it's like, Adam and Eve had lots of babies and they were all related, so it's ok because it's in the bible." -Tima on the South

Jared: "NASCAR fans don't..." Josh- "Have an education?"

"kali maaaaaaa!" -Tima's response to others speaking Spanish

"Hey baby, I'm reading you from left to right, and you're in English... I'm readin' you all wrong."-Ryan

"...and I said, dude! You're putting Descartes before the whores." -Ryan

"It's hipster Normandy!" -Ryan, when wave of Twilight concert kids ran toward us

we get done watching the most depressing doc ever, The Bridge... Nick: "Da Bridge..."

nick: "can i tell Mexican jokes?" ana: "... around me?"

Whitney, chugging a stein: "i don't like that the cup is as big as my head!"

At karaoke, me to Belle: "you should be up there singing that!" Belle: "I KNOW! I'M FUCKIN GOOD!"

"so, i was eating spaghetti in my underwear..." Adam

"swedish furniture baby, the first time i use it, it goes and it breaks yeah..." Adam, to the tune of Mariah Carey Fantasy