Josh's Enthusiastic NBA2k10 Friend

Josh has been playing streetball for a while now on 2k10, which usually means that you get to listen to some sassy southern lady griping in the background or a kid crying, or some guy cussing every other word. Today was different. Today Josh got a guy who was totally into cheerleading him. Josh's character is a giant 7' 5" character, so the guy kept calling him "Big Cuz", and cheering him on. At one point after a goal is scored, I hear him say this:
"Aright, we goin' to you, Big Cuz! DAYUM, Big Cuz! We gonna ride you all the way to the limit, no homo!"

tom: tell me that doesn't smell like crunchberries!

Bitches!

At a bachelorette with a friend from back in the Orbit day and a bunch of her girls from a local coffee shop. We get in the car with the sober driver, a somewhat timid (normal) woman. The other girls are outside the car, trying to chug a giant cup of vodka tonic before getting in the car, pushing each other over and laughing like hyenas. I yell "BITCHESSS, get in the car!"
Driver: "I've never met any girls like you!"
me: "You ever work in the service industry?" she shakes her head. "Exactly..."

Christy's Plumber

risone83: the good news is the brown stuff that flooded into my tub WAS dirt NOT poo
me: that's good news? i'm at least familiar with poo!

risone83: well there are trees in our pipe. one of the boys who live above me USE WET WIPES!
the bosnian guy (the plumber) was like..."you have sissies living above you, where i am from we would kill someone like that."

ALSO

this will crack you up

he was like..."okay, now (with a VERY thick accent) you do not plug back in the dryer, because if you do it wrong, you will get electrocuted and i will be blamed for your death because i am bosnian and you are american."

Innermost thoughts

Last night Josh and I were having a relatively serious conversation about finances. We're planning a trip to Los Angeles, and I really want to go but I shouldn't go since I can't afford it, and I just started on a second part time job, and so on... and then there's one of those thoughtful silences, us both just sitting there on the couch.

Me: "What are you thinking about?"

Josh: "Gilligan's Island. *sings* A three hour tour. A three hour tooooour."

Obviously

This text by phone thing is messed up. It would have been SO great to use it, but maybe we're just not "there" yet, technologically. Someday... *sigh*

Awkward Work Meeting

Tommy, to an incoherently ill Rohit (seriously, dude was on every otc substance known to man, should not have been at the office): Name five crabs! Name five crabs!
Rohit: I don't know, they're all the same (exhaustedly).
Tommy: Name your favorite character from Little Mermaid!
Rohit: I never watched it! ... (smacks hands on table, exasperated, laying his head down.)
John pipes up: Scuttle!
Tommy: THANK you, John! Finally, someone who can make decisions!

Text chat

Ana: What are you doing tonight?... Oh, exciting. I am going grocery shopping. I think we just turned into housewives. And we should scrapbook this moment.
Me: Dude. I think we should e-scrap it. And by that I mean photoshop cute borders on pics of our kids and put them on facebook.
Ana: Love it. Though you guys will be dealing with the kid situation sooner than us. Ours will be cuter though, for sure. ;-)
Me: Yeah well if I wanted baby koalas I would steal them from the zoo.
A: You should! Think about how cute baby koalas are. Plus, less maintenance than a baby. You can pop them in a box.
Me: Yeah, but they're mean and eucalyptus doesn't grow on trees. Why are you selling this so hard? You're a koala dealer, aren't you?
A: Why? Are you interested? The eucalyptus comes free...
Me: But that's always how they get you hooked. Next thing you know I'll be blowing you for extract.
A: And boy oh boy will it be sweet.

Johnny's on 2nd, Membership Liberation Night

Tara and I are standing across from each other and talking, while sort of dance/sliding.

Creepy guy in black suit with douchy black fedora:"What are you two girls doin'?"
Me (not even looking at him, still sliding my neck around half-dancing): "Wigglin'."
Tara (looking straight ahead at me): "Jigglin'."

He walked away pretty quickly.

A Bar Named Sue

Sunday night was Josh's brothers' birthday party (they're twins).
Josh decided to wear his new clear jelly shoes to the bar. I have no idea where he found size 11 men's jellies, nor do I want to know. The less I know about it the better, I think.
A creepy old cougar was giving his feet the eye, and said loudly to her friends in his direction:
"That guy is wearing jelly shooz. *sneer*."
Josh, in her direction: "Take it or leave it... take it or leave it."
Coug, slowly and decisively: "... leave it."

scratched into the bathroom stall at Gourmandise: "I wish you all had my power over men."

X :P? ????0?^??A?4??v?A???|O??!

edit: WHAT!? Obviously this text blogging thing has a few kinks to work out. I did not type X :P ? ????o? or any other gibberish.

Very Filling

About 10:05 pm, Friday night, Ana and I are on the way to the bar and could walk across the street to Este.
Me: Have you eaten?
Ana: I had a big sandwich around ten.
Me: That was... five minutes ago?
Ana: No, this morning.
Me: What!?
Ana: It was a very filling sandwich!

Yay!

I finally done figgered out them innertubes. I can now text all my hilarious convos of the day directly. All I had to do was wonder, "What does that little phone symbol next to my blog settings do?" and click it.

Hypothetically

I'm in the bathroom getting ready to go out. Josh is in the kitchen doing some dishes.

Josh: Honey, would you ever kill me in my sleep?

Me: If we're talking hypotheticals here... what have you done?

Well, aren't we funny.

I'm at Nordstrom and I'm buying some pantyhose. I'm holding my wedding dress, which I've just picked up from being altered.
Cashier: "What's the gown for?"
"Oh, it's for my wedding!"
Cashier: "Oh, how exciting!"
"Yeah." awkward silence... I decide to inject a little levity into the moment: "I'm more excited to wear these (pantyhose) with some cream pumps!"
Cashier: "Well, aren't we funny."


Is there any way to take "Well, aren't we funny" as a positive remark? I mean, she didn't say it insincerely... but wtf.

Geography, Current Events

Girl at work who scans the internet for cheap baby stuff all day says something worth repeating!

"This lady on KSL is selling Enfamil (baby formula, for those uninitiated) for 4 dollars a pack! That's a really good deal! ... but she lives in Logan... where the heck is Logan!?"

I pondered asking her whether she'd heard about the recent infant deaths in China due to bootleg formula with no nutrition in it. Then I realized... of course she hasn't. She doesn't even know where Logan is.

Strange Request

Last night Johnny told me to post about the conversation had on the way home from the bar. We wound up dropping Nick off, so it was a little more interesting than just me and Josh chatting on the way home. Nick was a little sauced, and Josh wound up asking him about the girl he's been dating. The girl works at a local purveyor of hot beverages.

Nick: Ugh, I don't know, man. There's a reason I shouldn't be dating girls under 23.
Josh: What do you mean? Is she immature?
Nick: Well, it's just... she's obviously still interested in seeing other guys, it's hard to watch.
Me: Why do you have to watch?
Josh: Well, Nick loves the Tea Grotto! He's not just gonna stop going there just 'cause of some chick.
Me: So, you're like... sitting there drinking tea, watching her flirt with other guys? That's creepy.
Nick. Yup. Pretty much.
Me: You've gotta start going somewhere else, man.

Yup

This blog totally died.
The culprit? The IT department at work. I guess blogging is probably too social an activity to be doing during work hours, and since many of my conversations stay in my head maybe two minutes if not written down, still figuring out a way to do this. Might just email thoughts to myself and transfer later, but I can't see that happening very often.
I've been volunteering at a certain well-known Utah film festival, so I'm trying to remember conversations I overhear from douchy old trust fund babies and kids looking for movie stars... I did overhear one conversation on the street the other day though:
Two guys, two girls- they've obviously just met.
Guys: So you two just got here today?
Girls: Yeah, we're totally just winging it.
Guys: So you know where you're staying and everything?
Girls: No! We have no idea what we're doing.


... who does that? Also, really sounds like a recipe for a compromising position, if you ask me. *shrug* Welcome to ____dance.