I had some amazing chicken fingers today. You don't even talk about chicken fingers unless they're noteworthy. - Josh

I DIED and went to Kolob

Tommy: not all of us are as enlightened as you chinny me: enlightened, eh? Tommy: up until 2005 I thought I was going to get my own planet when I die. all im saying is im playing major catch up here

Alex Horwood: update

Gerard Butler is the James Franco of Colin Farrells... Bradley Cooper looks like a guy who's playing a "famous actor" in a made-for-TV movie... Yeah i was late for work because i was trying to rewrite Eminem’s Lose Yourself to be about petting a cat...also i was petting my cat. If Brad Pitt never used "This will be your last Pitt stop" as a pickup line, then seriously what's the fucking point of anything?... If you guys ever think our society has a lack of ideas, just type Zombie into Kickstarter...and that will undoubtedly prove it to you... All pants are tear-away pants... if you're really strong and really hate pants. Both my grandfathers fought in a World War...Their grandson is currently aggravated he can't log into his fantasy football league... How have you thrown in the towel today? Listen asshole, I'm not even interested in walking a mile in my own shoes There's always tomorrow... Except once. Hey, any word on if Tupac is releasing a new album this year?

Tay: "Jesus H. Macy, I'll never win."

The Flash Mob Mustache Bomber

David yaf: Every flash mob should be flash mob bombed like this guy did. Or better yet, every flash mob should just be bombed. What am I paying taxes for Obama? Stop bombing the middle east and get rid of the true threat right here in our own malls and public gathering areas. http://youtu.be/gOfOIQ5ayzI

Josh makes up some dumb lyrics for a song, giggles to himself. "Oh, what would I do without me...?"

High Standards

Overheard at Gino's Woman 1: He paid on his insurance through his check for a year and never went. I'm like you're over 30! Just go to the doctor. See about your prostate and all that, it's not a joke. Woman 2: You got a man that take his self to the doctor, you hold on.

Harmony: Grilled cheeses are the sweatpants of sandwiches.

Overheard on Parkside

She all like "but he's so nice to me, he's so nice." She got to know he's not nice, he just trying to get that pussy. Bitches don't ever know that!

I have string cheese in my purse. That's weird. - Stacy

Donna cracks me up.

I'm staring off into space sort of in her direction. Because she's short, she gets creeped and says, wide- eyed: "Whatchyou lurkin' at!?" A new girl I keep hearing is really nice works with us and I finally get to meet her. She leaves for lunch and Donna says "See what I mean? So sweet... you could learn a thing or two from her." me: "I'm sweet as pie, ya bitch!" We laugh. Best manager ever.