"Starlings are fuckin' assholes!" - Chelsea

Whaaa?

I pass a coworker in the hallway on my way to the bathroom. I don't know him well, he's an older tech who works in the creepy equipment graveyard.
This is what I heard, not what he said:
"Hot bass?"
me: "huh?"
"Hop ass?"
me: "Allllllright!"
him: "I was wondering what your response would be..."

I know now, after having mulled it over, he was saying "Hall pass?". Is English my first language? Yes.

"Prosti-owl, skankier than the other owls..." - Ana

"You gotta put the pow in that wow!" - Manju

Guy inspecting fitness magazines at Smith's marketplace, talking to his girlfriend: Even his face muscles, look at him! *disgustedly*

me: the revolution will not be televised, but it will be livestreamed. david: i'm waiting to know who you're quoting. me: i just made it up! d: ...glenn beck?

tiny kid trying to play hide and seek with clothes shopping mom, at Target: "I can smell your feeear!"

More from the peanut gallery

Josh, singing while playing video game: "It don't mean a thing if you can't see its wang..."

Another gem from Dad

(excerpt from an argument between my Dad and I- he thinks DVDs are still a viable media format, and I think they're already defunct. He says people "still like to have something they can hold" as opposed to uploading to a server or backing up on an external drive. I think he's "just old". :) )

Dad: "But what if the Russians hit us with a dirty bomb and all our file servers are destroyed!?"

Why this would change what would likely happen to a DVD in this instance, I do not know.

Bringing sexy back... from China

Me: Did you just google image search "sexy panda"!?

Ana: Yes I did.

Ben, on switching to quicktime format: "Quicktiiiiime! in ya butt!"

Dad: hey, there's a funny idea for ya- geese fashion show!

gun nut in Mech Eng class: "*Kappporrrr* (gun noise) and all I saw was the same snake, without the head."

Caroline: "which city do the Suns play for?" Phoenix. "Oh, yeah! Gnarls Barkley played for them."

Dani: "what do you want from Sonic?" me: "hm, something vegetarian." D: "*gasp!* Popcorn chicken!"

Jed, on video games: "war. what is the future of warfare? brainwaves? explain your answer and cite three sources... one source. three is a lot."

Josh: You do everything for me. me: Not dishes! Josh: That's true. But I don't want you to do dishes... you're no good.