*sniff*

Ethan Killian

 you are a goddess and a teacher my beautiful and loved Erin . I can't wait to see you again!

Thanks?

If it helps, I have never thought of you as white, like, ever. Even though you're the palest girl I know. You're full on Columbian if you ask me.  - Ana

A kind drunk boy becomes enamored of my glasses and comes to find me after buying some chips, waiting for the F train. He holds out the open bag for me, and I politely decline. His friends come up behind him as I also politely decline to exchange contact information so he can take me to a "punk or metal show".

His friends: "Dude, are you offering chips to strangers!? We don't know this guy."
me: "He did, and it was very sweet of him."
friends: "and why didn't you get salt and vinegar!?"
him: "Because fuck you, that's why."

Poor Jordan.

Eh. I kept mis pronouning this transgendered girl I work with on accident. So they wrote me up for sexual harassment.

Literally every time I've done it has been a slip of the tongue. But that's life in the sex shop!

On oversharing

Discussing whether others think our lives are as worthy of storytelling as we think they are, or whether people are just bored to tears and waiting for you to get done talking about yourself:
Me: "People tend to encourage me to tell them stories, for some reason."
 "It's probably because you're smart and funny."
Me: "I'm certain that's it, but how do I know for sure!?"
 "You vain fuck."

I was in a rap group in high school; I played the fiddle on the track... One of the guys has a doctorate in rap from Oxford now. - red headed guy in skinny knit tie

Alex Horwood

The venn diagram of people who shop at whole foods and fans of Jason Mraz has got to be a fucking circle...

"I like an Adderall from time to time, like any good clubkid." - Tuesday, 3pm, girl sucking face with guy at bar right next to me while I'm trying to eat my veggie burger- Schiller's Liquor Bar

me: I don't even own a pantsuit. Because I look like Ellen in a pantsuit.
Ryan: Everyone looks like Ellen in a pantsuit. Even Eric would look like Ellen. She was actually summoned to this earth by burning a pile of pantsuits in a runic circle.

BastardKeith: We are governed by passions beyond comprehension, as marvelous & terrible as the sea. I really wish that fucking Mexican place was open.

Sad.

Josh's dad: "Yeah- we just got back from dinner."
Josh: "Oh yeah? Where'd you go?"
"Red Lobster."
Josh: "Oh, never heard of that. That local?"
Dad: "Ah, no, it's a national chain..."

Intelligence

Intelligence is not just knowing how many sides there are in a rhombus, or how long it would take Einstein to jack off into a Hot Pocket at 90 miles an hour...

- Josh

Why am I Dear Abby?

So, I have an ethical dilemma.
Certified rub n' tug in my neighborhood. $40 for a h/h. Should I?

me: So, where's the dilemma?

I guess I'm worried they'll be ugly.
  - Anonymous



Ethical dilemma= worrying about ugliness? I thought we were going to have a debate about the commodification of women's sexuality and the ethics thereof...

Priorities

Tommy: I think my job is going to make my luscious hair fall out

Or give me a tumor

Hair would be worse I think. Its so glorious