Babybag

At Rachel's, baby Penelope is being a little overly grabby and has already spilled my glass of wine once. I finish the glass and set it back on the table. Penelope grabs for the glass:

"HA! It's empty now, you douche!"

Rachel: "I cannot believe you just called my baby a douche!"

"Well, she was acting like one..."

girl overheard talking to girlfriend at Avenues Smith's: I just don't feel anything. Why don't I feel anything? Shouldn't I be crying, something?

Josh's Enthusiastic NBA2k10 Friend

Josh has been playing streetball for a while now on 2k10, which usually means that you get to listen to some sassy southern lady griping in the background or a kid crying, or some guy cussing every other word. Today was different. Today Josh got a guy who was totally into cheerleading him. Josh's character is a giant 7' 5" character, so the guy kept calling him "Big Cuz", and cheering him on. At one point after a goal is scored, I hear him say this:
"Aright, we goin' to you, Big Cuz! DAYUM, Big Cuz! We gonna ride you all the way to the limit, no homo!"

tom: tell me that doesn't smell like crunchberries!

Bitches!

At a bachelorette with a friend from back in the Orbit day and a bunch of her girls from a local coffee shop. We get in the car with the sober driver, a somewhat timid (normal) woman. The other girls are outside the car, trying to chug a giant cup of vodka tonic before getting in the car, pushing each other over and laughing like hyenas. I yell "BITCHESSS, get in the car!"
Driver: "I've never met any girls like you!"
me: "You ever work in the service industry?" she shakes her head. "Exactly..."

Christy's Plumber

risone83: the good news is the brown stuff that flooded into my tub WAS dirt NOT poo
me: that's good news? i'm at least familiar with poo!

risone83: well there are trees in our pipe. one of the boys who live above me USE WET WIPES!
the bosnian guy (the plumber) was like..."you have sissies living above you, where i am from we would kill someone like that."

ALSO

this will crack you up

he was like..."okay, now (with a VERY thick accent) you do not plug back in the dryer, because if you do it wrong, you will get electrocuted and i will be blamed for your death because i am bosnian and you are american."

Innermost thoughts

Last night Josh and I were having a relatively serious conversation about finances. We're planning a trip to Los Angeles, and I really want to go but I shouldn't go since I can't afford it, and I just started on a second part time job, and so on... and then there's one of those thoughtful silences, us both just sitting there on the couch.

Me: "What are you thinking about?"

Josh: "Gilligan's Island. *sings* A three hour tour. A three hour tooooour."