I love this pen... I wonder when it's... gonna go. - Josh, getting all sorts of depressing about a pen

J. Crew makes some great outfits to ineffectually stand there while your wife is mugged. - Alex Horwood

Clear Conscience

Luis, after a customer in a big cheap coat walked out: "She seemed like she had a lot of money." *eyeroll* Me: "Luis... how do you sleep at night?" Luis: "On my side. Like this."

Ughhhh

"Don't say you're old! I'm like two months older than you!" Alison: "But we're old, no?"

re: Kolob

Ryan: Finding out i wasn't going to get a planet was actually really disappointing

Tiiiin roof! RUSTED!

And just when you have absolutely given up on New York, a dude (seems a little rough around the edges, but not homeless) gets on the train and sings most of Love Shack- complete with the "I can't hear you!"s. BANG BANNNNNG! A few minutes later, I say "man, now you got that stuck in my head!" him: "My friend's doorknob was messed up and I was locked in his bathroom alone for an hour and ten minutes! I just kept singing I got me a Chrysler, it's as big as a whale, and it's about to set sail!"