Roadhouse?

Kira: "You mean to tell me you've never seen Roadhouse? With Patrick Swayze, at his Swayziest?"


me: "Hold on, I'm quoting you."
Kira: "DOOON'T!"

Feverish Dave

Dave had a terrible fever. I dropped by to bring him soup, and found him chattering and clammy. He had made a cardboard puppet he was creepily talking through. He was deliriously intense about trying to get his fever broken, but when he sat up he got nauseous.

me: "How is sitting?"
D: "It's good! It's in my top three.  … and I'm sweating, so that's good."
me: "Is it? I don't think it is."

…
D: "Come on, sweat dammit! Sweat!"

You guys, I just had bubble tea for the first time? I kinda feel like I got raped. - Jess,  at Lillie's

Kira and Kris about that one time when Kris' mom freaked out because she couldn't find her crack

Kira: "Well maybe the cat's the one who got the crack rocks from inside the wall your mom was looking for-"
Kris: "- then everything looks like crack because you've got drywall everywhere."

Crepe puns with Stacey

I am sick of your crepe!

Stop being a crepe!

Dad snores, twitches on the couch for 15 minutes. He gets up and walks away: "Thank you, Kennedy, for the power nap."

Master twerker

Holy shit... where she's shakin it and backing up AT THE SAME TIME?! Such power demands great responsibility.

She's the Spiderman of twerking. - Kieran