Britt brings her macaroni and cheese to the party.
Symmer: Brittney is a great cook. Tastes almost as good as her vagina tastes.
Jasmine: But is it as cheesy though?

Kira: you ever had Dad serve you a bowl of sand? I have... I thought it was kosher salt.

I'm in the wrong profession!

to me: "You should be an entertainer... slash clown."
-Ana Breton

Tommy: Dear Erin,
How do i stop my farts from smelling like egg nog even when I never drank egg nog?
sincerely,
Man with egg nog farts

My dad's thoughts on Black Swan: "Black Swan and Showgirls: both make you hate the dance world. Showgirls just has the added bonus of gratuitous nudity."
my mom, same subject: "Dumb show, done brilliantly."

Dad's Christmas poem:

Rhyming is a hassle
it makes you use a word like castle
what the hey, you want to say
it comes out a funny way
that archaic rhyming bullshit is for assholes.

Something just gave me a boner... -davey