Me: interesting doesn't keep you warm at night, honey. Space heaters do...

Sarah: no they don't, they just give you a bloody nose.

Adam Little

I gotta make like Joan and Jett.


Totally just invented that. So proud.

Brian Kelly

Roommate says he's headed to the gyro place on the corner. 
Me: "Isn't that an Azerbaijani joint?"
Him: "It could be a Spike Lee joint, for all I know."

Josh:
"NYU's not the only school.
'I go to Columbia for school.
Oh yeah? I got my dick ripped off. By a bear.'"

"I'm fuckin' Cher, I put La Mer on my toast this morning." - Matthew

Ana: "there's a book called 101 vaginas."
Nick: "is it about an evil woman that skins vaginas to make a coat?"

Roadhouse?

Kira: "You mean to tell me you've never seen Roadhouse? With Patrick Swayze, at his Swayziest?"


me: "Hold on, I'm quoting you."
Kira: "DOOON'T!"

Feverish Dave

Dave had a terrible fever. I dropped by to bring him soup, and found him chattering and clammy. He had made a cardboard puppet he was creepily talking through. He was deliriously intense about trying to get his fever broken, but when he sat up he got nauseous.

me: "How is sitting?"
D: "It's good! It's in my top three.  … and I'm sweating, so that's good."
me: "Is it? I don't think it is."

…
D: "Come on, sweat dammit! Sweat!"

You guys, I just had bubble tea for the first time? I kinda feel like I got raped. - Jess,  at Lillie's

Kira and Kris about that one time when Kris' mom freaked out because she couldn't find her crack

Kira: "Well maybe the cat's the one who got the crack rocks from inside the wall your mom was looking for-"
Kris: "- then everything looks like crack because you've got drywall everywhere."

Crepe puns with Stacey

I am sick of your crepe!

Stop being a crepe!

Dad snores, twitches on the couch for 15 minutes. He gets up and walks away: "Thank you, Kennedy, for the power nap."

Master twerker

Holy shit... where she's shakin it and backing up AT THE SAME TIME?! Such power demands great responsibility.

She's the Spiderman of twerking. - Kieran

New Drag Name

Brandy: How come I have never heard anyone refer to Kate Hudson as Goldie Spawn?!

me: "Who're you?"
guy: "I'm Comrade Cid the Killer Rabbit."
me: "What do you do?"
guy: "I'm Comrade Cid the Killer Rabbit."


... This is my life

George practically creams himself when I say the words, "let's watch Star Trek". - Elizabeth

I Love Lucy

me: "Yeah, I'll watch it up until they have the baby, Ricky Junior. That's really where it jumped the shark."
Elizabeth: "Yeah, me too. I hate that. That's like some Scrappy Doo shit."

The bear seems to really love him, but who can know the mind of a bear? - Kieran

Taylor's musings on love and relationships

man

something about a man shaving for the first time in years fucks with your head

for like two days I would panic when I woke up next to him and sex felt like cheating.

Quote about me

You regard stupidity with a special kind of subtle disdain that I've always enjoyed.
- Vinny