Speechless.

"I'm different, yeah I'm different. Pull up on the scene with my pigment missin'!"
- Josh's rap

Two drunks on the train last night tried to engage me.

Guy 1: I'm depressed. 
me: Aren't we all, honey. 
Guy 2: You seem smart. Can I talk to you for a couple of stops? 
*I look up, and this is my stop.*
me: This is my stop, talk away.
Guy 1: Can I ask you one question? Does God love?
me: God is in all things- therefore, some things love. So, maybe.
both guys: Whoa.
The door shuts behind me.

End scene.

Mike Doughty

Though I realized you're on a headset phone, lady in Duane Reade, it really did look like you yelled NOOOOO! OOHHHH NOOOO! at toothbrushes.

Josh's ridiculousness

Josh: You heard of that? Gender- trippin'? Where you get all high on estrogen or testosterone...
Me: (without skipping a beat) That's not a thing.

"Talk wordy to me." - Josh, just now, on the topic of dissertations.

"Ask me about my whimsical hat and glasses!" - every other person at a gallery opening.
-Matthew Holtzclaw

"Who would you do for a Klondike bar?" Stacey: "James Taylor."

The Ultimate Riff

Crocs? I thought you said Grox.

Yeah. Crocs knockoffs, called Grox.

"Honey, have you seen my Grox?
You left'm at the bar.
Wull how'd I get home with no shoes on?
Virgil gave you a ride on 'is scooter."

-with Chris Larsen

That doesnt really do anything for me. Does it do something for you? Because that might do something for me. - Dave about his lady friend