I have fire in my panties! - Damiana

Harmony Boyer
I wonder what Kristen Stewart is rolling her eyes at right now.

Tweetbook

Ryan: I know a book of my tweets would not be super interesting.
my book would be 400 pages of dick jokes and moaning about what sandwich I had or if I did or didn't have coffee that particular day

I shall call it Dick & Coffee: a tale of 2 sandwiches
A tweeted memoir by Ryan Paul

Canadians just don't understand.

Ryan: I totally put chocolate milk in my coffee today
white trash mocha
me: hey. now...
root beer milk
that would be a white trash mocha

Ryan: root beer milk?
... that sounds... TERRIBLE

me: It's delish. If you're wt.
Ryan: what is it?
me: it's milk
that's root beer flavored
Ryan: MIND BLOWN

Nightmare scenario: what if the 'Teen Paranormal Romance' section of bookstores is still around in 10 years?- Adam Hutton

Vasarelli playground, 14-ish boys playing basketball.

Boy #1 (could be asian- american): "What time is it?"
Boy #2: "Time to get a watch!... Or steal one, like people from your country do."


wait. what? I mean, if he IS referring to Chinese fake watches, those are manufactured and not stolen... whatever...

John Wayne is dead. No, actually I don't know if he's dead. , Stacey

Taylor: I'm making a doc right now called 'Erin's Wisdom' and just c/ping this shit

Emily: My boobs look kinda big today... But not really.
Me: QUOTE!
Emily: Noooo!

Should I put more butter on? - Emily

me: "Who the fuck is this?"
Josh: "Kid Cudi."
me: "Why is he singing?"
Josh: "Because he wants to."
me: "Why is he out of tune?"
Josh: "Because he wants to."
me: "So, I'm not even going to ask why you're listening to it, then. Because you want to?"

I think we should start an online magazine called hater parade. It rolls off the tongue. - Eric Fisher

I think we should start an online magazine called hater parade. It rolls off the tongue. - Eric Fisher

Rasheem

Trying to guess my ethnic background: "You half- Japanese? Full Japanese? You not Caucasian- with them chinky- ass eyes!? No way."

I wanna be just like you when I get young, do you wanna donate to the united negro pizza fund? You don't gotta be a rockefeller to help a fella...

-crazy old lady on the train

Does she have a husband? They left me in the street to die, when I got hit by that truck. True story.

My daughter got long, black hair and a gold chain. Chrissy think she cute. I got somethin for her! I'm going to California. Does she ever bathe?

Bulemaholik Jones...

Kim Paulus:
"It's always been right now. It's alright now."

me: We've been through so much crazy shit together, man. The worst is already over.
A: I hope you're right. I have to believe you're right.

man with friends on train: "Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to have a duck, would you?"
me: "Sho 'nuff don't!"
him: "Really? That's too bad, because I'm trying to tell this fool that they quack."
his friend: "No way, if anything it's more like a honk."
me: "I don't know, I think it's kind of a mix of the two- depending on the species."
them: "MWACK, GUAA"