...

Dad, to nobody in particular in the room: "Who has the best Nazi porn?"
Josh, without blinking an eye: "Ann Coulter."

"Where did my cookie go!? You guys, I lost my cookie!

OH, found it!"

- Manju, to a very quiet office

Ana: "I bet Native Americans hate making reservations..."

The bad driver in front of us

Josh: "And he has a half marathon sticker on his car, so he can't even finish things!"

The incomparable Alex Horwood

‎...If only there was a way for me to see 90's actors making strange faces AND computer generated penguin shenanigans... -

Adam Hutton: I mean, does anybody lose if someone gets a vasectomy in exchange for Kid Rock tickets?

Sometimes you get the feeling that a majority of the MMA target audience is also in favor of Segregated Everything Else... -Alex Horwood

"I'm gonna go see a man about... some... marble? Isn't that crack cocaine? I obviously don't know anything about drugs."
- Ana

Ana and JSar pitch a tv show:
Cross between Deal or No Deal and 16 and Pregnant- suitcases full of babies. Couldn't get Howie Mandel; got Barry Manilow, though!

Say no more, and say it right now... -dad, singing

I don't know how I do it, I just keep playing the game and winning. -Nick P's Words With Friends secret

Tommy: Just sitting at a mental illness center
Staring at a poster of inspirational people who had mental illness
One of whom is Kurt Cobain
Found that weird sorta
The other is Carrie Fisher
Aka princess leia
And then Abraham Lincoln next to her
Interesting choices
Abe Lincoln freed the slaves and Carrie Fisher wore a metal bikini and was a sex slave to a giant monster
I can see the correlation

I like my men like I like my coffee. A day old.
- Ana

Tommy: Chinderella you need to go home before you turn into a pumpkin
You are chinderelly
and I am your Gus Gus
So act appropriately

Ah, youth...

‎"Aww... life hasn't broken you down yet. Cute."
-Me, telling Steve what to say to people who are too cocky

Tommy: chaney, can i ask your advice on a very important issue?
me: sure
does it have to do with egg farts?
Tommy: not this time
what brand/type of coffee should I go buy? I have been drinking Folgers for two weeks