Levi and Zach share an awkwardly long, close-mouthed kiss. Levi: "You still taste like my uncle."

"I liked Deep Space 9. it was like Cheers in space." -Eric Fisher

mmm, me llamo tacos. taco caliente... - Christy

Lauren to Jeff, about Vegemite on counter: did you know what that was? Jeff: yes, i did know of its vegemite status, as per my ability to interpret symbols.

those new corduroy pillows, they're makin' headlines! and diarrhea? it's hereditary. it runs in your jeans! - Repo

I mean, there I was, 19 and I'm fucking the shit out of this 16-year-old? I mean, I was stupid. -my father in law, about my mother-in-law.

i make fun of my sister for wanting a 72 hr emergency food supply: Kira- "whatever, you'll be up in the aves dyin', and i'll be chilling with my 72hr bag, lootin'!"

Josh's little cousin, to Jed: you're freaking me out. every word you sing is scaring me! *starts crying*

Jed singing to little cousins: sometimes you feel sad. other people do too, but that's okay. let's learn about consequences...

New band name

Thanks for coming out tonight, we're Jesus Crisis! - JSarlo

Oh, WHYcan'tweallbeFrench!- AnaB

Tommy: You are like the naysayers that Noah left behind. Verily I say unto you...

i'm probably not saving the world by throwing away a mop a week, but... -Nick on Dollar Tree mops

Ich bin ein borracho!- Alex (Doud's roommate)

fuck you, Rick. - Alex, to Nick

Dad: Miss you. me: miss you too. Dad: No ya don't. But it's nice of you to lie.

me: maybe you should just try to make a better donut!

the leaf guy: "down the street there, is a line for donuts. this is a daily thing, this line for these donuts. that's what i need, something people line up for."
me: "maybe you should just try to make a better donut!"

Portland, homeless looking guy: hey, can I ask you a question? Josh: sup, man? guy: what's the biggest leaf in Oregon? these ones here are huge!

you cannot get hearing aids by drinking from a deaf person's glass.- Sam

what did harry truman say about nagasaki? i fuckin' destroyed that. -Sam

what did the snowman say to his girlfriend? why florida? oh, that is heartbreaking. - Sam

they can't drink!? then how do they get pregnant? - Pappas, on the facts of life

may have been manufactured in a facility that contains AIDS - Sam

"there's no such thing as time, that's a thing that was made up..." - Ana
"there's no such thing as time- the only thing that's real is tacos." - Josh S.

a girl on the quidditch team just called me, she can't come tonight... yeah, the broom must remain between your legs at all times.- some girl at Cafe Marmalade

Ryan, Josh and I decide to watch The Man Who Wasn't There.
Josh says "Oh... we can't watch this. It was made before 9/11. That means it wasn't based on reality..."

I'm going to start a new diet craze called "The North Korean Diet". It's basically anorexia with a sexed up name to make it sound exotic. - Adam Little

Being alive is a really unreasonable thing to do. I am an unreasonable person. - David Nielson

If I saw myself on ChatRoulette, I would whip out a dong on myself! -Ana

You look like a sci- fi serial killer. -Ana, to me.

I don't think you're thinking the way Grindr needs you to be thinking. - Kira, on a disturbing phone app.

Chad, on James Franco

"Poor man's Heath Ledger? Poor man's Heath Ledger?"
Chad, to Ana

"Lemme ask you a question: if Heath Ledger were still alive, would he be in 127 Hours? Yes, he would."

Mel: k woman, time for me to run
See you tomorrow. Remember to put out!

(Not really sure if he was telling me to remember to put out, like, as a general rule? Or to remember to put out when I see him for coffee tomorrow? Either way, pretty funny.)

Clint on Facebook

Clint: HI ERIN!
I had a dream about you last night
Me: you DID? do tell
Clint: You were wearing my mother's skin, and dancing like the dude from silence of the lambs.
right?
so then you took of the mask and it was my brothers face under that, but i knew it was still you
then I got really aroused
don't tell anyone
anyway, what's up?
me: what
Clint: IT'S A JOKE, YOU KNOW I DON'T DREAM. ONLY PEOPLE WITH SOULS DREAM

My mom would cry if you mentioned Jesus. If you mention the word "cheese", she'd probably be like "cheesus..." *sniff*
-Isaac

Boy and girl sitting behind us at Sufjan show

Guy: "yeah, well I got Thomas Jefferson."
girl: "Wasn't he like, a scientist or something?"

y'know, archaeology fits into alotta things. like if you wanna know about the ancient- like, the past... - some brainiac girl at the U

Ana to Erin Fox: "You like, eat clowns in the morning!"

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, I love doctors. I love my hair, I love my house...
-EFox

Don't JINX it, Chaney!
-Ana B.

"If your name is not Ana Breton, you are stupid."
-Erin Fox
Ana: "Where does this brilliance come from!?"
"It's called mindlessly eating Gardetto's?" - Erin Fox.