Rarely working

My hours have been cut at work recently. This has been a topic of discussion since I've been doing a lot of work from home in the last couple days, but we haven't brought it up in hours.

Josh puts honey mustard on his corned beef hash, even though I warned him not to.
Josh: You're right, this was a bad idea.
Me: I told you! Honey mustard rarely works.
Josh: YOU rarely work. BOOM, too soon!

girl at Twilight: no no no, not Jonny Depp. it was Jackween Phoenix!

you know that bad B.O. that kinda smells like pencil shavings?- Jill

Britt: You're such a good friend...
tell me a joke.

yeah, i said it! boogie woogie! -Stephen to Matt

Josh and Ryan, peoplewatching. Ryan: that guy is either from the future, or space... Josh: Dude. you gotta quit drinking.

Ryan: (sings) bad boys, bad boys... Josh: what are your intentions?

Questions you should probably know the answer to when you're an OB Medic

medic: susan's daughter had her baby? know what's weird, is she said they put a catheter in her vagina. in her cervix. wonder how often that happens?

man in medic meeting: i have a mole on my ass... woman: we can lance it here, save you a $20 copay. other woman: oh, it's 25 now.

It is too early for this nonsense...

8 AM: Josh picks up a test tube of hair stuff I got for free from the salon (it is shiny goo): What is this? Unicorn goo?
me: Hey. That stuff is expensive.
Josh: I bet. Unicorns are rare!

gonorhea, more lika stayorhea. -Josh - more like diarrhea. -David

your blog can suck a fuck! -Tay

there's no such thing as an innocent hiccup. -Tay

Tay- you guys seriously don't have any vinegar? Levi- I'm sorry, I didn't know you were gonna get the fuckin hiccups on my porch at 3 in the morning.

it's a party pizza, man. gonna have an oven party. -dude walking by Levi's balcony, carrying pizza box- apparently talking to Levi unprompted.

so you're 23... you should get a kitty!! -Missy to Caroline from Germany

no no no no no! you cannot sing that song! everyone sings that song to patchatooity. yes i fucked up that word!- Ryan, on Friends in Low Places

no! you never peppermill! fresh ground pepper? enjoy! -Ryan, on lewd hand gestures

spare spare spare a nug whatcha got to lose? spare a piece of chronic so we can get confused. - homeless dirtbag teens outside Pioneer

Stan, in meeting: if you do that, i will kick the shit outta you. and i know you're thinking; "how can you do that... physically?" (Stan is a paraplegic.)

after a long stint away from the video production office... Ben: It's the prodigal videographer!

me: i think my medication's been working pretty well... Josh: yeah! you're not a psycho!

Erin (other erin): i'm gonna get a tramp stamp! luke skywalker with a ray gun.

Heather, when I say hello: hi! how are you?... you are so beautiful! me: you don't know who I am, do you? H: no...

do you remember darby o'gill and the little people!? that was sean connery, man! - That kooky James Cunningham

Jordan- it's like that riddle- why is a raven like a writing desk? cuz when you stab its eye with an icicle it fucking dies and freezes! you guys are the worst.

every time i feel like my skin's growing spikes, it's horrible. it's like i'm walking on my arms through the grass.

I met the king of Octopedes! -James Cunningham

Kari, on re-meeting after a long lost first encounter: I'm so glad I found you- you're like Natalie Portman in my Closer.

you married yet? not yet? well, have a wonderful life. - Old hippie lady to young businessman at airport bar.

maaaan, your dick is so soft alll the time, Adam! - Kari

Cherie: i'm having a babeh! it's a wine baby. lookitdat baby! i'm having a wine baby.

that's so cool. i've never bruise-kissed anyone before - Kari
Jack- you'll develop a taste for it- you'll be bruisekissin with anyone who'll have ya.

you wanna have a kid? i'm giving out children this week. - Jack the crazy hippie

1969, my wife started with the mime troupe that year... - Jack

journalistically, I'm known as the big bad red rooster. "Where is the outrage?" is my crow. Jack, the old man from the vineyard

corn makes juggalos... -adam

rain makes hip hop, hip hop... ticks! -adam

Kari- rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my girl... get a little frisky!

cherie to adam: what happened to your book? adam: oh... butter.

"I don't like it when people quote everything I say..." Cherie

Cherie, talking to a pen: you're a pen. i'monna write the shit out of yew, pen.

michael jackson!... he has a big nose. and a monkey. michael jacksooon. -Cherie singing. wtf?

banana in the dark! band name! - me

... best vacation ever? me, to Cherie

"...do you wanna talk about cheese again?"- Cherie

6 billion miracles are enough - bumper sticker

Cherie, on XM radio: Robert Plant? Who wants to listen to Robert Plant without the cure?

Adam singing along to old-skool soul: "oh baby i just wanna buy you something SO NICE... i got somethin inside... just TRYIN to get out!

you should get a trampoline tattooed on your lower back... get a tramp stamp. -Brian

Cherie to Adam, first thing said after waking up: Do you want to put your phone on the charger? Adam: Stop asking me so many questions in the morning!

we should open up a curry restaurant and call it naan of your business! -Brandy

weird (socially awkward) tranny at bar in sf: what's in your wallet?

some people call me mango... - man getting a girl's number on haight/ashbury