Bacon Ice cream

All things in moderation... and especially bacon. Like, bacon martinis!? Come on. Grow up! Grow up. -Josh

Chelsie: (on topic of different Hot Pockets) wow, how do they keep putting all this stuff in this stuff!

Harmony- I was scooping the powder into a sample with this little spoon, and i felt like a tiny apothecary- and suddenly I realized- I felt like a gnome!

these shorts (boxer briefs) are just fantastic. tell josh about em. they were recommended by the bartender at gracie's. jockey gold mesh. we be likin them. -dad

"Oh fuck! Where did you COME FROM!?" -my mom, to an ant in her bed

"did the karaoke guy say he was gonna get you on sooner? he does like you and it's your birthday." "yeah, he said so. i mean, i did hug him like 12 times."

"who says that to the birthday girl? especially when she has these!? who has two thumbs and is awesome? this girl." -Belle on her birthday

Squatter's Server

At Squatter's with Josh for brunch...
server, whose name tag says Zachari: How's your food?
us: Delicious!

-Thanks, I cooked it myself.

us: Well, you did a fine job! (We're all in on the joke at this point)

-I also brew the beer, and own the place! I built the building with my bare hands.

us: Brick by brick! Uphill!

-With my feet pinned behind my ears!

a little later...

server: Thanks for coming in today! I'm Jeremiah Squatter.

Kira "what if you were a whoreder and you hoarded whores? that'd be funny."

dad: "it could rain at any minute." Kira: "oh no it's not, they just chemtrailed the shit outta the sky. it's not rainin' for a while."

Josh, tune of When You're Strange: "when you're weird... you find some weird shit in your beard..."

"get the fuck outta my town, Bobby Flay!" - Liz

Mom arguing with Dad over prop logistics: "What is wrong with you!? If there's two babies, there's two butts!"... I love pride season.

Sephora girl on lunch: "He was sweating. And crying. It was hot."